What men live by

 

"

I have learnt that all men live not by care for themselves but by love. It was not given to the mother to know what her children needed for their life. Nor was it given to the rich man to know what he himself needed. Nor is it given to any man to know whether, when evening comes, he will need boots for this body or slippers for his corpse.

I remained alive when I was a man, not by care of myself, but because love was present in a passer-by, and because he and his wife pitied and lived me. The orphans remained alive not because of their mother's care, but because there was love in the heart of a woman, a stranger to them, who pitied and loved them. And all men live not by the thought they spend on their own welfare, but because love exists in man.

I knew before that God gave life to men and desired that they should live; now I understand more than that. I understood that God does not wish men to live apart, and therefore he does not reveal to them what each one needs for himself; but he wishes them to live united, and therefore reveals to each of them what is necessary for all.

I have now understood that though it seems to men that they live by care for themselves, in truth it is love alone by which they live. He who has love, is in God, and God is in Him, for God is love.

" 

 

This is a rather long quote to start out with - it may seem that I'm trying to increase my word count for free, but the whole section is relevant to what I want to share about myself.

My family and I watched a short movie adaptation of Leo Tolstoy's What Men Live By this evening, and I was moved. The quotation above is from the last chapter of the English translation of Tolstoy's story, and it really reminded me of so many things I forget to keep front and center.

A needed some blood labs done for reasons I'm not prepared to share at the moment, and the anticipation of the blood draw and the subsequent results has really been a cause of substantial anxiety for me and my husband for quite some time now. We finally bit the bullet this week and did the draw, and we received the results today - all excellent, Glory to God!

Indeed, Glory be to God! Not because He answered our prayers, but because there are people whos worthy prayers for us reached His ear and gave cause for us to rejoice. This love Tolstoy describes lives in all of us - that is, God is Love - and Love does not serve itself, but everyone else.

Light and darkness. Life and death. Stark opposites yet you cannot find one without the other. How uncanny. Michael, the angel that speaks the words above in Tolstoy's story, also describes how he saw Life and Death in the faces of the people he met; Death, when encountering the faces of selfish and hateful people, and Life, when encountering the faces of loving and self-sacrificing people. It moved me to question myself - how may times have I really offered my face to reflect Life? I am saddened, because I know that I have Death on my face much too often - complaining, judging, rushing, rolling my eyes, withholding compassion.

I forget to be grateful for the love God inspires people with to pray for each other, to uplift each other with. I forget to be grateful for our health and abundance. I forget to be grateful for this day, and to say This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. I forget so much.

I hope I may have enough love inside me - that is, to recognize God revealing Himself inside me - that I may too offer poor prayers that would bring another person joy in the midst of suffering, light in the midst of darkness.